Rooted and Ready: Leading Yourself Through the Unknowns of Military Life

Becoming | Post 1: Self-Leadership for Military Spouses

They say the only constant in military life is change.

Orders come.
Boxes are packed.
Goodbyes are said—again… and again… and again.
And you find yourself standing in a new city, on a new street, trying to remember who you are underneath it all.

I’ve lived that cycle 19 times… so far.
Two international moves—to New Delhi, India and Bogotá, Colombia. (Seriously? Not Germany? Italy? Okinawa?)
Four children. It’s not so bad when they are younger, but navigating a teenager’s world and transitions through the high school ages is hard! I had one child who attended 4 high schools in 4 years! I don’t recommend that.
Countless reinventions of home, routine, and self.

And still, every transition has required me to re-learn what it means to lead myself—especially while holding space for everyone else.

The Quiet Work of Self-Leadership

In military life, so much feels outside your control:
The timing.
The orders.
The deployments.
The constant sense of “What’s next?”
The “hurry up and wait” cycle, that repeats over… and over… and over.

That’s why self-leadership matters more than ever. Because when everything around you shifts, your ability to ground yourself becomes your anchor.

Self-leadership doesn’t mean muscling through or wearing a brave face all the time.
It means:

• Choosing presence over panic

• Anchoring in your values, not your address

• Making space for your own growth—even in temporary places

You’re not just supporting a mission—you’re on one too.

What I’ve Learned (The Hard and Holy Way)

Here are a few truths I’ve gathered along the way:

• You can feel grateful and grieve.
  You can love this life and still mourn what it costs.

• Your identity matters.
  You are not just someone’s spouse or parent—you are you.
  And your desires, dreams, and wellbeing are worth protecting.

• Your center is portable.
  You may leave homes behind, but you never leave yourself—unless you stop tending to that inner home.

• You won’t always get it right—and that’s okay.
  I didn’t. I often put my children’s needs ahead of mine and ran on empty for years. Living in survival mode is not a long-term solution.
  If I could go back, I’d tell my younger self:
  “You matter too. Fill your cup.”

How to Care for Yourself While Caring for Everyone Else

Military spouses are the quiet backbone of every assignment.
But too often, we put ourselves last.

Here are a few self-leadership practices that helped me (and a few I wish I’d embraced sooner):

• Name what you need.
  Not just what your kids or your partner needs—you. Start small. A walk alone. Time to journal. A weekly call with someone who truly sees you.

• Protect pockets of energy.
  Don’t give it all away. Create space in your week that is just for your restoration.

• Ask for help—and accept it.
  Whether it’s a neighbor, friend, or a delivery service—receiving support is a strength, not a weakness.

• Keep something for yourself.
  A creative project, a part-time job, a fitness goal, a course. Something that reminds you: I am growing too.

• Don’t wait for permission.
  The system won’t hand you space to care for yourself. You must claim it—with love and intention.

You Are the Leader of Your Own Becoming

You may not wear a uniform.
You may not have a rank.
But your leadership—through change, through resilience, through grace—is undeniable.

You are the one who steadies the center of your family.
And as you become stronger, clearer, and more rooted, you don’t just lead your life.
You shape it.