Mothering the Mother: Staying Centered While Everything Changes

Becoming | Post 5: Self-Leadership in New Motherhood

They hand you a baby.
And in that instant, everything changes.

Your body, your schedule, your sleep.
Your sense of control.
Your sense of self.

You are now “Mom.”
A title that holds endless love—but also an invisible weight.

In the swirl of swaddles and feeding schedules, something unexpected happens:

You begin to disappear.

Not intentionally. Not dramatically.
But slowly, subtly—you find yourself wondering:
Where did I go?

The Sacred Identity Shift of Motherhood

New motherhood is one of the most profound transitions a woman will ever face.
It’s not just the birth of a baby.
It’s the rebirth of you.

And like any transformation, it comes with both beauty and loss.

• Loss of autonomy

• Loss of time

• Loss of routine, freedom, and predictability

• Sometimes, even loss of confidence

And yet—this season is rich with potential.
Because in the breaking open, there’s also becoming.
You are growing right alongside your baby.

Why Self-Leadership Is Essential in Early Motherhood

When everything revolves around caring for someone else, self-leadership becomes your lifeline.

Not in the sense of having a perfect routine or checking every parenting box.
But in these quiet ways:

• Saying yes to rest when you want to power through

• Saying no to pressure and perfection

• Honoring your emotions instead of suppressing them

• Asking for help—even when it’s hard

• Reminding yourself: You still matter

You are the mother.
But you are also still you.
And that woman deserves to be seen, nourished, and led with compassion.

What I Wish I Knew Then

Looking back on my early years of motherhood, I see a woman who gave her all.
She showed up day after day—feeding, soothing, cleaning, worrying, loving.
But I also see a woman who was quietly running on fumes.

It took me time to learn how to mother myself.
I don’t know that I really did learn, especially in the early years.
I was so very young.
We were babies, having babies.

I thought that being selfless made me a good mother.
But over time, I realized something hard and holy:

You can’t give what you don’t have.

When I was empty, I had nothing left to offer but exhaustion.
And no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t pour from a dry well.

How can you be patient, present, or nurturing when your own needs are buried at the bottom of the to-do list?

If I could speak to her now, I would say:

“Your needs aren’t a distraction from motherhood.
They’re part of what allows you to mother well.”

I wish I had known then:
Taking care of yourself isn’t a luxury—it’s part of loving your child well.
Because when you’re nourished, rested, and seen… you show up differently.
More whole. More resilient. More you.

Simple Ways to Lead Yourself in Early Motherhood

Here are small but powerful ways to anchor yourself while everything else feels uncertain:

• Make room for your emotions.
  Write them down. Speak them out loud. Feel them fully—without judgment.

• Ask for help before you think you “deserve” it.
  You are not meant to do this alone.

• Protect a sacred 10 minutes a day.
  Not for productivity—for presence. Breathe. Stretch. Be.

• Stay connected to your inner voice.
  Everyone will have opinions. You are the expert on your baby—and yourself.

• Let love include you.
  It’s okay to care for yourself, fiercely and without guilt. That is part of the legacy you pass on.

You Are Still Here—And You Are Becoming

Even if you don’t recognize yourself right now—you are still here.

And as you learn to lead yourself with gentleness and grace,
you’re not just surviving new motherhood…

You’re becoming the strongest, most soulful version of yourself.

And that?
That’s worth celebrating.