Roots and Wings: Building a Portable Identity

Home isn't where you land—it's what you carry with you.

Three weeks ago, I unpacked my life for the twentieth time.

New house. New neighborhood. New everything.

And yet—I wasn't starting over. Not really.

Because somewhere between move one and move twenty, I figured out how to carry home with me. Not the kind of home that requires a specific address or a particular set of walls. The kind that travels in your bones.

I used to think stability meant staying in one place long enough to put down roots. That growth meant branching out from wherever you were planted.

But military life taught me something different: The deepest roots aren't in the ground—they're in you. And the strongest wings don't carry you away from home—they carry home with you, wherever you go.

This is about building an identity that doesn't depend on your zip code, your job title, or your season of life. An identity that's both deeply anchored and completely free.

What Even IS a Portable Identity?

I've written before about the shift from being to doing—about how identity isn't about your role but about who you choose to be. That's the foundation.

But here's the next-level question: How do you actually BUILD that kind of identity in a way that survives upheaval?

Because knowing "I am more than my roles" is one thing. Living it when you've just moved for the twentieth time, when your kids have grown and left, when your spouse is deployed, when you're navigating empty nest in a foreign country—that's another thing entirely.

A portable identity is one that doesn't need external validation to exist. It doesn't crumble when circumstances shift. It doesn't require familiarity to function.

It's made of:

• Practices that ground you in any location

• Values that guide you in any situation

• Rituals that anchor your days regardless of context

• Relationships built on who you are, not where you are

• Truths about yourself that no move, no role change, no life transition can shake

These aren't abstract concepts. They're concrete anchors you can build, strengthen, and carry with you anywhere.

The Two Things You Pack in Every Move

Every time we've moved, I've had to decide: What comes with us? What stays behind?

Physically, there are always tough calls. Furniture that won't fit. Books you've held onto for sentimental reasons. Things that belonged to a different season.

But there's also an invisible packing list—the one that determines whether you'll thrive in the new place or just survive it.

What you need to pack:

1. ROOTS – Your Internal Anchors

These are the non-negotiables that define you regardless of location:

Daily Practices
For me: my Heroic morning routine (gratitude, visualization, daily targets), movement, quiet time with coffee before the world wakes up. These don't change whether I'm in Arizona, Colombia, or India. They're my portable reset button.

Core Values
What you stand for when no one's watching. What you refuse to compromise on, even when it's hard. For me: integrity, courage, faith, growth, family. These don't shift with my address.

Identity Anchors
The truths about yourself that travel with you. Not "I'm a mom in Tucson" but "I'm someone committed to showing up with courage and love." Not "I'm a military spouse at this base" but "I'm resilient, adaptive, and grounded in my faith."

Essential Relationships
The people who see you, not just your role or location. My marriage. My kids (even from a distance). The friendships that transcend geography because they're built on who we are, not proximity.

These roots don't depend on external circumstances. They're portable because they live inside you.

2. WINGS – Your Capacity for Growth

Roots alone aren't enough. You also need the courage to spread your wings in new territory.

Curiosity
The willingness to explore, to try, to not know everything before you start. Every move is an invitation to discover something new—about the place, about other people, about yourself.

Adaptability
The ability to bend without breaking. To find the grocery store in a new city. To make friends when you don't know anyone. To build rhythms in unfamiliar spaces.

Risk Tolerance
The courage to start businesses at 52. To put your writing out into the world. To facilitate workshops when you've never done it before. To say yes to opportunities even when you're scared.

Growth Mindset
The belief that you're still becoming. That this move isn't the end of your story—it's the next chapter. That discomfort is data, not disaster.

Wings are what allow you to use new environments to become more of who you're meant to be. Without them, you're just dragging your roots from place to place, never really landing.

Roots Need Wings. Wings Need Roots.

Here's the paradox: You can only grow as far as you're grounded.

I see this in two extremes:

People with roots but no wings become rigid. They cling to what's familiar, resist change, and shrink their world to fit what feels safe. Every move is trauma. Every transition is loss. They're stable, but stuck.

People with wings but no roots become scattered. They chase every new thing, reinvent constantly, but never quite land. They're always becoming but never quite being. They're free, but unmoored.

The goal isn't to choose one. It's to integrate both.

• My morning Heroic practice (roots) gives me the energy and clarity to take risks in my business (wings).

• My core values (roots) help me discern which opportunities to pursue and which to decline (wings).

• My marriage (roots) creates the safety to step into vulnerability and growth (wings).

• My faith (roots) anchors me when everything else is uncertain, so I can move toward what's next with courage (wings).

This isn't balance. It's synergy.

How to Build Your Portable Identity: A Practical Guide

STEP 1: Audit Your Current Roots

Ask yourself:

• What practices currently ground me? Are they portable, or tied to this specific location?

• What values define who I am, regardless of my circumstances?

• What relationships are essential—not because of proximity, but because of who I am with them?

• What truths about myself do I know with certainty?

If your answers depend on WHERE you are or WHAT you're doing, they're external roots. Time to go deeper.

STEP 2: Build Portable Practices

Choose 3-5 daily or weekly practices that can travel with you anywhere:

• A morning routine (gratitude, movement, quiet reflection)

• A weekly reset (Sabbath, planning session, nature time)

• Creative expression (writing, music, art—something that connects you to yourself)

• Physical practices (yoga, running, strength training—your body as home)

• Relational rhythms (date nights, calls with friends, family traditions)

The key: they can't depend on a specific gym, a particular coffee shop, or a certain group of people. They have to be adaptable.

STEP 3: Identify What Needs to Stay Behind

Not everything deserves to come with you.

• Beliefs that no longer serve you

• Habits tied to old roles (like saying "I'm just a mom")

• Relationships built only on proximity, not depth

• Expectations that belong to someone else's vision for your life

Let them go. Growth often happens through subtraction.

STEP 4: Strengthen Your Wings

Ask yourself:

• What's one risk I'm ready to take in this new season?

• Where am I playing it too safe out of fear, not wisdom?

• What would my future self want me to explore right now?

• How can I use this transition as fuel for becoming, not just surviving?

Then take one small, brave step. Book the workshop. Start the business. Publish the writing. Have the conversation.

Standing in the Twentieth House

Three weeks ago, unpacking those boxes, I had a moment of clarity:

I've finally built a life that travels with me.

Not because I've mastered anything. Not because moves are easy now (they're not). But because I know what to pack.

I pack my morning Heroic practice. My values. My marriage. My faith. My commitment to growth. My willingness to start over with grace.

And when I unpack those things in a new place, I'm not starting from scratch. I'm transplanting roots that have been growing for years—and spreading wings that are stronger because of every move that came before.

I'm grounded and free.
Anchored and expansive.
Rooted and rising.

This is what portable identity looks like: Home isn't a place. It's a practice. It's who you are, carried forward.

Your Turn

Whether you're moving for the first time or the twentieth, whether you're navigating a career shift, empty nest, or any major transition—these questions will help you build an identity that travels:

What are your 3-5 portable practices? (Daily or weekly rhythms that ground you anywhere)

What core values define you, regardless of circumstance? (Not what you should value—what you actually stand for)

What's one thing you need to leave behind in this season? (A belief, a habit, a relationship that's keeping you stuck)

Where are you ready to spread your wings? (What risk is your future self asking you to take?)

Write them down. Protect the practices. Honor the values. Release what doesn't serve. Take the risk.

Because when you know your roots and trust your wings, you can go anywhere—and still be fully, unapologetically yourself.

Next in the series: The Stability Paradox – When Staying is Risk and Growth is Safety

What about you? What practices, values, or truths travel with you no matter where life takes you? I'd love to hear what's in your portable identity toolkit.