The Tension We All Live: Introduction to the Stability-Growth Paradox
Stability or growth? The answer is yes.
At our Heroic Tucson "Design Your Best Year Yet" event this past week, something unexpected happened during one of our small group breakout sessions.
We were in the goal-setting portion of the workshop—the part where everyone shares what they want to improve, achieve, or transform in the coming year. Energy was high. People were dreaming big. But in one group of three, two successful businessmen sat back, looked at each other, and essentially said the same thing:
"I'm struggling with this exercise. I'm satisfied with my life. I can't think of any area where I want to set goals or make improvements. I feel like I've arrived."
Two men. Same group. Same answer.
And my immediate internal response was layered.
Part of me thought: Good for them. How rare to feel genuinely content.
But another part of me—the part that knows what I know about life, about growth, about the cost of complacency—couldn't help but think: I can't imagine ever feeling that way.
Because here's what I believe: There is always room for improvement in every area of life. Always. And the moment we stop reaching, we start settling. The moment we decide we've "arrived," we stop becoming.
But then again… is that true? Should we always be striving? Is perpetual dissatisfaction the price of growth? Or is there wisdom in resting in who we've become?
This moment crystallized something I've been wrestling with for years—something I see in my clients, in my own life, and maybe in yours too:
The tension between stability and growth.
The Push and Pull
We live in a culture that sends profoundly mixed messages about this.
On one hand, we're told to grow—optimize, level up, reinvent yourself, never settle, always be reaching for the next version of you. Stagnation is failure. Comfort is the enemy. If you're not growing, you're dying.
On the other hand, we crave stability—a sense of home, predictable rhythms, deep relationships, the peace that comes from knowing who you are and being content with it. We want to feel grounded, not scattered. Rooted, not restless. We want to arrive somewhere and rest.
And so we find ourselves caught between two seemingly opposite desires:
The desire to stay and the desire to go.
The need for certainty and the pull toward risk.
The longing to be satisfied and the hunger to expand.
The wisdom of contentment and the courage of ambition.
Those two businessmen chose stability. They'd built successful lives and wanted to protect what they had.
But is that settling? Or is it wisdom?
And if I'm someone who can't imagine not pursuing growth—does that make me ambitious and alive, or restless and never satisfied?
The real question isn't which one is right. It's this: Can we hold both?
Why This Matters Now
Whether you're a professional who's "made it" but wonders if there's more…
A parent trying to create stability for your kids while pursuing your own dreams…
A military spouse (like me) navigating constant transitions while trying to build something lasting…
Or simply someone standing at a crossroads, torn between the life you've built and the life you sense calling you forward—
This tension is real. And it matters.
Because here's what I've learned after nineteen moves, countless reinventions, and more than a few identity crises:
Stability and growth are not opposites. They're partners.
You can't grow sustainably without some foundation of stability to launch from. And you can't maintain true stability without the capacity to adapt, evolve, and meet new challenges. The healthiest, most resilient people aren't the ones who choose one over the other—they're the ones who learn to integrate both.
They know how to root deeply while remaining wildly free.
They build internal anchors that hold steady even when everything external shifts.
They honor seasons of expansion and seasons of consolidation without guilt.
They practice contentment without complacency.
They pursue excellence without exhaustion.
This is what I call living from your centerline—that still, strong core that doesn't waver even when the world around you does. It's Soul Force in action: grounded strength meeting flexible courage.
What We'll Explore Together
Over the next several weeks, we're going to dive deep into this paradox. This isn't a series about choosing stability orgrowth. It's about learning to honor both, discern what each season requires, and build a life that's simultaneously grounded and expansive.
Here's what's ahead:
Roots and Wings – How to cultivate the kind of roots that anchor you to yourself, not just a place or achievement, and the wings that give you courage to fly toward what's next.
The Stability Paradox – When staying feels safe but is actually the riskier choice. When growth feels terrifying but is the most stable thing you can do for your soul.
Building on Shifting Ground – Practical strategies for creating structure, rhythm, and ritual when everything else is uncertain. How to be antifragile in an unstable world.
The Growth Trap – When the relentless pursuit of "becoming" turns into exhausting performance. How to know when to push and when to rest. When ambition becomes self-betrayal.
Seasons of Stability, Seasons of Expansion – Discerning what season you're in and having the courage to honor it, even when the world (or your own inner critic) says you should be doing something else.
What You Keep, What You Release – The art of knowing what parts of your old self to carry forward and what to leave behind as you grow. Growth through subtraction, not just addition.
And we'll close with a reflection on living the both/and—what it looks like to integrate stability and growth into a life of Soul Force, where strength and flexibility, contentment and ambition, being and becoming can coexist.
An Invitation
If you've ever felt torn between protecting what you've built and reaching for what's next…
If you've wondered whether it's possible to be both satisfied and striving…
If you're tired of feeling like you have to choose between safety and courage, between rest and ambition…
This series is for you.
Because the truth is, we don't have to choose.
We just have to learn how to hold both—with wisdom, with intention, and with grace.
Let's walk this path together.
Next in the series: Roots and Wings – Building a Portable Identity
What about you? Where do you feel the tension between stability and growth most acutely right now? Are you more like those satisfied businessmen, or are you someone who can't imagine not pursuing growth? Or are you somewhere in between, trying to figure out how to honor both? I'd love to hear where you are in this tension.
